Can i get closer

They start to feel uncomfortable. So, they pull away rather than pushing closer to you-- the passion paradox in action. This paradox does not happen only in new or potential relationships. It happens as well in established relationships. Virtually all relationships go through swings of greater and lesser closeness.

Especially when you know someone well, you may acutely feel that you are in a stage where your partner seems to pull away. Likely, if you want to keep the relationship where it was, or where you think it was, you try to pull pull pull the partner closer to you.

But you end up pushing your partner further away. This is where the passion paradox comes in. In the Chinese Finger Trap, if you want to get your fingers out, you push them in. In a love relationship, if you want to get your partner more involved, try acting less involved. When they pull away, you pull away—even further than they have. And why are you more likely to lose your lover when you act as your passion tells you to?

You have an ideal emotional distance you want to keep; so do they. If you want less distance and pull them toward you, they will want more distance to carry the relationship back toward their comfort level.

But if you distance yourself more than they ideally would like, chances are they then will start to pull to bring you closer—again toward the level of involvement they want. You then have regained the power you lost when you pulled them toward you to a point that was too close for their level of comfort. The same principle applies to intimacy and commitment, of course. But it is with passion that you may most strongly feel that you are losing your partner or failing to acquire them.

So, if your partner or potential partner is acting distant, act more distant, even if that is the opposite of what you ideally would like. Pull away to pull closer. Rather, if your partner or potential partner needs space, have the grace to give it to them. Everyone knows how important exercise is in general, but even better is having your partner by your side as you push yourself to run that extra lap.

Plus, seeing each other drenched in sweat and liking each other more is a surefire way to feel more connected. Make playlists for each other. One way you could add to all those good feels is by making each other playlists, aka the modern day mix-tapes. Music is so personal, and you can immediately feel a newfound closeness to your S.

Bring on the Simple Plan. Reveal one new thing you each want to try in bed. If having the talk up-front feels too stilted or broad, you can take individual surveys and share only the results of the things you both are open to trying and take it from there It can be tough to swing a full weekend that involves air travel and well-kept hotels. Text less, call more. Say a few creatively nice things to them every day.

How can you not feel close to someone who so clearly and uniquely appreciates you? Do more eye-gazing in bed. Check in with your partner regularly about things in their life. Your significant other will feel more comfortable opening up to you and letting you get closer if you show a real interest in the things that are going on in their life.

If you've made an effort to listen actively, put that knowledge to use by asking them specific questions about things they mentioned. Use as many specific details as possible to indicate that you were paying attention to them and you really care about what's going on in their life. Method 2. Respect your significant other's boundaries.

Even if you want to be more physically affectionate, your significant other may not feel comfortable with touch. Listen to them when they tell you what they like and don't like, and when they feel physical affection is appropriate. Ask if there are other demonstrations of physical affection that they would be more comfortable with. If your significant other doesn't appreciate any physical affection, talk to them to try to understand why. Find out if they want to be more physically affectionate.

You may be able to help them overcome whatever is standing in their way, and that could bring you closer together. Pushing your significant other to accept physical touch that crosses their personal boundaries is disrespectful and will push them away from you.

Use small, spontaneous displays of affection. Affection isn't confined to hugs, kisses, and other physical displays. Verbal affection will also warm your partner and bring them closer to you.

Let them know how much you adore them by telling them directly. When your significant other does something for you, thank them for it rather than taking it for granted. I believe in you! For example, you might put a small note in their pants pocket that says "I'm thinking about you" or "You always bring a small to my face. Give your partner your undivided attention when you're with them. Anytime you're with your partner, be with your partner — not scrolling social media on your phone or texting with other people.

Let them know that when you spend time with them, they are your primary focus. You might say "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to check my phone periodically. I'm expecting an urgent email" or "I'm expecting an important call, so I may have to check out briefly. But after the show ends, take some time to sit and chat about it rather than splitting off into your own separate worlds. Do something for your significant other that you know they hate doing. Everyone has various chores that they dread.

Find out which chores or tasks your significant other dislikes the most, and occasionally do them yourself without being asked. You might also help out with chores or tasks that are more cumbersome for your significant other than they are for you.

This gesture not only saves them money but gives you an hour or two to spend together. Don't draw attention to the fact that you did the chore or imply that they should do something for you because you did something for them. Do it as a way to show your love and affection for them, not because you expect anything in return. Tell your significant other specific things you appreciate about them. Focus more on things your significant other does than on aspects of their appearance.

Compliment them on things they're proud of, work hard at, or feel passionate about. Your practice is really paying off and I hear so much emotion in your playing. Method 3. Let your guard down around your significant other. To become closer to someone you love or care about, you have to be willing to be vulnerable around them. Allow them to see a side of you that no one else does. Don't be afraid to show emotion or let your partner see you when you aren't at your best.

If they aren't feeling well or are having a lazy day and don't feel like getting all dressed up, they may think they can't spend time with you. If you never let your guard down around your partner, you'll have a hard time getting any closer to them because they can't get close to you. Avoid making comparisons between you and your partner. You may be putting a lot of effort into your relationship, and it may seem to you that your partner isn't putting in any effort at all.

However, you have no idea what's going on in their head or what personal barriers they've had to overcome to let you into their life. They may think that the things you do in the relationship come easily to you, when in fact they require a lot of work. Being open about your own difficulties can help your partner better understand your efforts, without making them feel as though they're not doing enough. Maintain your own individual activities and interests. It may seem like if you want to get closer to your significant other, you should do more things with them.

But spending time apart from each other pursuing your own interests helps you build appreciation for the time you have together. After you start dating, you should do what you can to keep that class going if you find it fulfilling, rather than quitting simply because your significant other isn't interested.

While it's great to introduce your significant other to your friends, go out with your friends occasionally without your significant other. Both of you should have individual friendships on your own that are apart from mutual friends — although this may be difficult if you met through mutual friends, or if you were friends with each other before you started dating.

Maintaining your own individual interests can also keep you from becoming resentful of your partner. If you give up doing something that you love because they're not interested in it, you may find that you miss that activity and blame them for cutting you off from it — even if it was a decision you made voluntarily without their knowledge. Accommodate your significant other's wants and needs. Being in a relationship means you likely won't always get your way.

Learn to recognize when something is important to your significant other and you should sacrifice what you want to fulfill their needs. Your significant other will appreciate your selflessness and this will strengthen your relationship. If you cancel your existing commitment or cut it short so you can get to the ceremony as soon as possible, your significant other will appreciate the sacrifice you made on their behalf.

Sometimes these accommodations may relate to relatively minor or even trivial things. Taking that extra step to do things your significant other's way shows them that you're accepting them as they are and not expecting them to change for you. Make an effort to include your partner's friends and family. Your significant other likely has friends and family members they care about who were part of their life before you were. If you show that you are open with them and want to get to know them, your significant other will feel as though you are becoming an integral part of their life.